A Great Whatever (blog story) 7

     Heather hates being touched while she sleeps. Every time she has spent the night you have been relegated to a tiny swatch of mattress that leaves you precariously close to the edge. When you do manage to fall asleep your dreams are about clinging to the side of a cliff. It’s not restful. You have considered reclaiming your space but she kicks in her sleep. She punches too. Once she poked you in the eye and you had a black bruise that took a week to heal.
     This morning though, she is lying on top of you in the middle of the bed holding on like you are a giant novelty county fair won stuffed animal that she does not want to part with. You can’t help but think about how cool this is. There is a part of you that hopes you can stay this way forever. There is another part that knows sooner or later you are going to have to pee.
     Over breakfast you decide to test the waters to see exactly how deep you are getting.
     “I really like waking up with you.”
     She acknowledges your statement with a muffled grunt while slurping her coffee.
     “It’s the intimacy. I crave that. When you start the day with someone you love it’s gonna be a good day.”
     By now she is concerned that you have gone soft on her. She gives you a puzzled look because she can tell you are trying to say something but she isn’t sure what it is.
     “Let’s take this relationship to the next level.” You hang your words out there in the wind and pray she doesn’t blow them away.
     She seems a little stunned, but in a who farted manner and not an oh my God kind of way. “Are you asking me to marry you?”
     “Let’s live together.” You are beaming as if this is the best idea any man ever came up with.
     “I can’t.” She replies as a matter of fact.
     “Why not?”
     “My parents will cut me off.”
     “You have a job.”
     “You don’t.”
     “My parents don’t care.” You are trying to close this loophole in an otherwise perfect plan.
     “Mine do.”
     You start scrambling. You begin to wonder how you can either make this work out the way you want it to or go back in time five minutes before you opened your mouth. You remember the first thing she said and decide to use that.
     “What if we’re engaged?”
     “Really?” She is genuinely surprised.
     “Heather we’ve been doing this for a long time. I want to believe that we’ll keep doing this forever.”
     She puts her now shaking cup of coffee down on the table top and says, “Okay.”
     That’s good enough for you, but you need to clarify whether or not you have sealed the deal. “Can we live together if we’re engaged?”
     “Of course we can.” You can see that she is either panicked or happy or both. You hope for happy but will settle for both.
     “You need to get a job. And a ring. And my father’s blessing.” Her mind is racing at a million miles an hour. “We can drive up this weekend. No, next weekend. Until then we’re just engaged to be engaged. I need to call my mother. I’m late for work.”
     She gets up, gives you a long wet kiss, and walks out the door. She left behind her coat and purse. Her shirt was untucked and her hair undone. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and you are not sure if she was wearing any shoes. She runs back in to grab her cell phone and laughs at her forgetfulness. She's insane and you love her.